The boy who couldn't kill his sweetness.

Once there was a boy in my neighbourhood. I would often observe him as a mirror. Wondering if he was feeling the same way I was feeling, in that same moment. He always looked as if he was. That boy was sweet. He was gentle. He had the shyest eyes in the world. We couldn’t stop growing old. One day we were adults. We connected. He fell in love with me. Always used to call me ‘’legend’’. I made him laugh. All the while digging deeper in search of his sweetness. He learned how to smother it under the surface. He seemed to have done the same with his shyness. I needed his core. I guess I wasn’t patient enough to wait for it to surface. I told him goodbye.

He went on to find another love. It had lasted a long time. One summer night, I saw his picture in the obituaries. He had killed himself for that love. I felt a short sharp pain in my heart. The gentlest face in the world, the softest soul was staring back at me. Days of disbelief followed.

At last, what my heart knew all along, my mind realized. The boy who couldn’t kill his sweetness, killed himself.

Thinking of Elliott Smith made me think of him. It’s the most precious ones that end tragically. 

I'd say you make a perfect
Angel in the snow
All crushed out on the way you are
Better stop before it goes too far.
Don't you know that I love you
Sometimes I feel like only a cold still life
That fell down here to lay beside you.
Don't you know that I love you
Sometimes I feel like only a cold still life
Only a frozen still life
That fell down here to lay beside you.

Elliott Smith - Angel In The Snow