The Thread

 

Just a sip of water between songs

As the sound begins and my soul ends

A moment in time

To have a taste, to ingest a piece

I am full now

Thanks for your availability.

My white bird has flown

Left me alone between notes

Still ignored by near ones

Perpetually shamed by dear ones

Better be alone in these dirty hours

In the quiet mind lays the thread to your flight.

- written in 2014.

The Will 2 Death

The will to death is what

keeps me alive 

Again and again 

Smothering serpent life 

threatens me with sweetness

with eyes of love

and tears of hope 

No

There's a spider in the corner 

where negativity is kept

I don't want to look 

only to be blinded

again

I ridicule myself 

to oblivion and beyond 

Til I eradicate myself 

to make myself known.

(Thanks John Frusciante)

Unknown

 I shall

hear this silence
I shall
circle around the holes
I shall
step into the corners of pain

this pain unwelcome
and dry
ridiculous and desperate
ungrateful little pain
a trickster of its kind
a joker with no gun.

I shall
devour it, bury it
I shall
carry it

to where
birds don't fly
and hands don't touch
to where
souls don't sing
and eyes can't see

And it will
shape me mad, kick me dead
shove me right into where

faith is certain
lines are uncrossed
spirit is denied
and your name is unknown.

Raven Hair

Deep between your ribs my eyelash falls

Cracking the wanting of hope 

the pull to the abyss

Your cold blood shifts inside your eyes 

warming up the blue behind the veil.

All I want is you.

Short, deep breaths and your panther move.

Your worn, fucked, tired, I-don't-give-a-shit body taunting the cells of my spine.

There's nothing I want more than you. 

Misery descends.

I touch the curl of your raven hair. 

I taste your desire through my fingers. 

I inject myself with the meat of your lips. 

There's only ONE game to play. 

I let you steal pieces of my flesh like a thief in the night. 

A bandit, a city cowboy. A Jack Daniels. A Jesse James. A black cat.

You crossed my road and I crawled through it in a daze. 

And still the smoke from your gun smells sweet. 

Still I worship the dirt of your mind. 

Still you crave that velvet heaven - 

like no other heaven, or hell on Earth

and no other craving, or wanting will do

The desire

to rewire

a breath that's too shallow

a life too short

an existence betrayed.

Teardrops

 

I got dust on my shoes

Ghosts of memories

Breath going backwards through alleys of light

And birds singing along the sighs of my steps

A silent wish, unspoken

To sense what has been sensed before

A love untold

Held by the grips of fear

It must all end.

 

There are stars aligning for you tonight

And echoes of hope in the distance

My fickle heart salutes a past you

One that is no more

And hangs its head alone

Your fingertips on my window by the sea

The waves bring silver silence

I dream and I wake

Nothing but teardrops.

 

Maybe

Maybe
If I look at your pictures enough
I will forget
That you shine like the sun
I will remember that your eyes
Do not open for mine
That they stay still
Still and quiet inside a screen.
Maybe
If I imagine kissing you
Enough times
Your lips won't seem as sweet
And maybe
If I unbutton your shirt with my eyes
I won't think of you every day and night
Perhaps
Those pictures of you
Will wash away my desire
And this tenderness
That falls from my eyes onto
images - dead like I am to you.

~

We children of the Music
Fireflies of Night
We who never grow old
And never grow up
Eternally chasing the moment in Sound
The feeling in Song
The spark in the dark
Seeking the thrill of dreams unfulfilled
Beating in rhythms and melodies lost
In the corners of our Souls
We yearn for the magic, the gold
The break in the silence of life
Existence explained with no words allowed
Just the music and us
The Mother Music
And you, her abiding child.

~ dedicated to Music lovers 

Life

Life

a scream in the dark

shooting off sparks of hopeful light

a moment or two

silence in echoes

and then you are gone.

Sometimes

I forget of the truth

the eternal one of fact

that there is only loneliness

on this black earth

as my love sang.

Hope is denied

as life washes over me

the remains scattered

left for anyone to pick up

do as you wish

Death awaits me.

Observations about Music

Music is pure vibration. You can't touch it, you can't capture it. It just is. It is, because it vibrates. It is made of sound. The funny thing is, everything is made of sound, and everything vibrates. When the object of you, meets music, there is a meeting of vibrations. Your reaction to the music depends directly upon the characteristics of your vibration.

 For instance, a very low frequency /feeling depressed, suicidal – will match the songs that are of the same frequency or a little higher. Those songs will feel good to the person and make them feel happier than before.  If the same person gets hit by a happy, uplifting song – the vibrations won't match, thus making the person feel miserable, and subconsciously guilty for not being able to be happy/enjoy the song.

A happy person on the other hand, will lower their vibration when immersed in the vibration of a sad song. They will have to either turn it off, or wallow in the nostalgic/sad/lonely vibes of the song.

Music offers the fastest way to alignment. It's a shortcut to bliss. Often, a song that is lower than your current frequency, will raise yours, simply because it's a song that is dear to your heart. Because it brings lots of memories with it, lots of people live in that song. And they are being brought to you by soundwaves. That alone will raise your vibration.

When you feel low, a sudden hit of your favorite song will instantly get you high. The vibration of the song itself + your associations with it, clash with your low vibe and make this happen.

Music is the harmonious basis of which everything is made of. People who love music are consciously, but more often unconsciously, aware of that. People who don't care about music, are not.

 

Musicians.

We have human beings who are able to create organized sound in a 3D environment inspired by both very human emotion and divine inspiration. Those individuals are deeply appreciated. Why?

They are tickling our very essence.

They are giving you more of what you are made of, they are giving you that which has all the powers described above.

Black Celebration

In the darkness your sparkle lights me

The sound shivers through cold rain

It's that time again

My senses embraced

I fall into the cracks

Bliss awaits me

The beat awakes me

Electrifying air surrounds me

No reason or rhyme

No darkness nor shine

Earthly heaven

Unbound. 



~ dedicated to Depeche Mode 

Trust

The eyes of shadows and lightning treasures

All tangled in flame

We embrace the tides

In a peaceful frenzy

To and from a space of trust.


Nature's aligned

As shadowy selves

Welcome the light.

Waterburn

One shy phone call
Crept through the cracks of hope
Followed by
A hand reached out in vain

Burned by water.
The bed that lays unkept
Holds your arms imprinted
And my sleep safe.

As I wake up
My blood starts racing
Flowing violently
Towards the one I love.

The fear in my veins screams
The light in my eyes descends
Could this be an illusion 
A mirage I dreamt? 

There should be no doubting the big picture
There should be no abandonment at all
But there it is, my heart 
Bleeding through its rays 

Alone.

She & Me

Forever she
forever me
It's always her
that tries to be
ahead of she
who doesn't see
the sense of it all
Moments go
silence echoes
rebirth occurs 
She's here again 
stepping on your toes
filling in your shoes 
wild child wants to cruise 
Smack the moment 
then let go 
and just go 
Go 
go 
go 
Never stop 
never give up.

May Is Full Of You

May is full of you, April’s infected it
This sweet disease won’t let me sit
Still and I’m ready to fly
High

In my daydreams and sighs
There is a little thought that shines through
A certain thought of you
Snowflake soft

A dangerous dew

Overcoming scent of lily and blue
I climb onto you
Like a newborn kitty

Here to kiss you bittersweetly
To taste your eyebrows and hairline
And dive into your bright eye

I’m taking you on a ride
Of awakened senses and open skies

Where love is free and guilt deceased
Words untold when bodies speak
And what I’ve got is what you seek.

For a moment we are all there is
For a moment til the next -

Every dawn is a new chance
One by one
Days race through

May is full of you.

Being Loved

I love you. Well, what does it mean? I’ve heard it so many times, it means nothing to me. I’m sure you did as well. So why would you believe me?

Well your bladder is divine. Your lazy eye is magical. Your veins are made of God. I’d like to kiss your liver. And hug your heart. Your bones are made of light. Everything in you is pulsating. Everything in you is love. Every nail is precious. Every finger is priceless. Each piece of hair is wondrous. The pores on your face are darling and the scars are too. I cherish your lungs, cos they so lovingly keep you alive. I worship your heart, working so hard to make you shine.

Leave your mind behind. Leave the hurt outside. It’s just your soul, and your heartbeat. Know the beauty of your being. This is you. You are life itself. You are loved.

I believe the cure to depression, and all sorts of insecurities is knowing, being completely certain, convinced, that you are loved. I mean really KNOWING it. And I mean really LOVED. Not idolized, not admired, not adored. LOVED.

That love has to come from within yourself. Because you are everyone, and everything.

I believe that’s not the case with most people. And I believe sometimes a person needs a little push towards self love. Someone to show them just how loved they can be. Just how loved they ARE. 

The earthly game of love

Here on earth, if you are firmly on the ground, you know that there are ground rules - in any game, as any situation is one. But, this especially applies to the game of ‘’love’’.

In this game, the contestants are pulled by the strings of Ego. And fooled by the illusion of Emotion.

If contestant A is already in love with contestant B, the latter will be inexplicably repelled and will pull out of the game.

The reason is such:

Contestant A is, in this situation, deprived of the ability to shine by itself. It is completely outshined by the love for contestant B.

A conversation with my mother.

Every once in a while my mother asks about my love life.

‘’Why can’t you be with one of these nice men?’’

They’re not from my same star.

‘’That ex really messed you up, didn’t he’’

No, mother. He helped me discover the stars.

‘’It was the other one, I knew he wasn’t good for you!’’

He merely showed me the distance between stars. I’m thankful for it.

‘’Why can’t you get closer to one, see how it goes?’’

I can’t leave my star. My star is what I’m made of.

‘’So then, is there anyone in sight??’’

There is. He respects my mind.

‘’What’s the problem then??’’

I think he’s from a neighbor star.

* 

Poetria

Words slip off me like shirts

Lonely into emptiness they go

Leaving me chained to the ground

Naked

Feelings work their way outdoors

Freedom tastes nice for a moment

Until new ones fill up my gut again

In vain.

Pointless expressions smirk back at me

Floating aimlessly.

Poem for Linda

Today the sun is crying
Today the clouds are blue
Today the sky is hiding
And all of this for you.

Tonight the stars will disappear
Tonight the moon will shake in fear
Tonight the sea is evaporating
Tonight it's destiny that I'm hating.

The grass will never be the same green
My soul is as empty as it's ever been
This poem only to you I send
With all my love, my sweetest friend.




I wrote this on August 7, 2004 - the day my dog died. 

Tonight

If I was to die tonight

I would hope to see your eyes

And fall into your arms

Would you answer my call?

Would you recognize my soul?

Sitting here digesting memories

Blank stare, music playing

A caged animal saying

I try to be, I try to be

I’ll try anything to be free

Cry anywhere to see

A glimpse of what could be.

If I die tonight

Will you come take my hand

And lead me into the light?