Tuesday, August 28, 2012

OFAH: Klaudia meets Del Boy

The Nag's Head. 1983.

Rodney and Klaudia bump into each other and start chatting.

RODNEY: So, I hear you're a bit of an artist.

KLAUDIA: Me? Nah, I just draw from time to time.

RODNEY: You know, I'm an artist. 

KLAUDIA: Really?! What do you paint?

RODNEY: No nothing, I just have a GCE in art. 

KLAUDIA: Oh...

RODNEY: And maths! 

KLAUDIA: And maths!! So you're both right-brained and left-brained then!

Enters Del. 

DEL: More like wally-brained! 

RODNEY: Frowns. Have you met my brother yet?

DEL: Turns to Klaudia. 'Ello darling, you alright? I'm Del, short for Derek. And may I have the pleasure to know your name sweetheart? Leans over, kisses her hand. 

KLAUDIA: My name is Klaudia.

DEL: Klaudia?! Klaudia!! Did you know that Klaudia is my most favorite name? Gets closer and closer. 

KLAUDIA: Is it really...

DEL: It is! D'you know I have dreams in which I'm calling my significant other by my most favorite name - Klaudia. Says solemnly, lifts eyes towards the ceiling. 

RODNEY: Yeh. He also has little black books full of favorite names. 

DEL: Yeah, yeah, that's right thank you Rod... Of course you know, the only book RODNEY owns is ''Relationships For Dummies''. 

RODNEY: Alright, alright, I got some experience!!

DEL: Leave it out Rodney, all you ever got was boots!

KLAUDIA: Turns to Rodney. Rodney, I was wondering if you'd like to join me for a drink tonight?

DEL: No no darlin', he's busy tonight you see. He's at the perverts' club, discussing the best nurse outfit. 

RODNEY: Would you just shut up, Del!! Thank you Klaudia, I would love to meet you tonight. 

KLAUDIA: Excellent! Bring your policeman uniform, will ya?






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